Decisions

Hey everyone, it’s been a minute! I think I say this in everything I write LOL but I honestly only believe in writing about real life issues which I have experienced and have affected me. Not just writing for the sake of it. I find that there is a lot more passion and emotion in my writing when it comes from a real life challenge or issue.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the decisions which we make in our lives and how they can have a huge impact on the quality of life we have and duration of time we spend on this earth.

I saw a video on Facebook (yes I still use it because I am a proud Millennial) and in the video was a married woman who had just given birth to her seventh child and was getting assistance from her husband post-childbirth. In the comments there were many women saying that they wish they had received that kind of love and support during and after their pregnancy, but unfortunately, the partners they had were very dismissive. On the other hand, there were also many comments from women who had received the right support and care from their husbands or partners and they were encouraging those who hadn’t which was nice to see.

There was a comment from one woman which said ‘life is all about decisions and this was the right one.’ This comment right here has stuck with me and has led me to think about a few areas of life where I feel we all need to deeply think about the decisions we make.

Finances and career

I’m sure many of you have heard this from older people ‘ you’re young, take you’re time and you’ll figure it out.’ Whilst it’s important to not stress yourself out over areas of your life which you have no control over, it is important to take responsibility for areas which you can control, and your finances and career are completely in your hands. Also, you won’t be young forever! I don’t know about you guys but one minute I was 18, and now I’m not far from 30. Time is really flying!

I am no financial expert, but what I will say, is that it is time for all of us to start making better decisions, and I believe it starts with the little things. I feel as though people think that managing their finances is more complex than it actually is.

Here is what I currently do with my finances, and it has been helping me a lot! First of all, I always make a list of what I am going to buy when I am going food or clothes shopping and I stick to that list as best as I can.

When it comes to my social life, I make a list of all of the events, restaurants and potential holidays or getaways I would like to go on each month, and then I narrow it down to what I would really like to go to. That way, I don’t waste as much money. I also try to look for events with free entry and before I get to an event, I eat/drink beforehand so that I don’t have to spend too much once I’m there. One of the best IG pages I have come across which offers you a lot of free opportunities and gadgets is Catch a Gem. Follow Follow Follow!

In terms of saving, I don’t have a certain amount each month as each month can bring different requirements and responsibilities, but I just make sure that something is put aside. Something is better than nothing, and it all adds up.

Many people underestimate walking but you can save so much money on petrol or transport if you just walk to where you need to go. Understandable that you may not always be able to walk depending on time, where you live and distance, but if you plan ahead, then you can see where you can squeeze walking in to your week which in return saves you money.

I know we all love a cheeky takeaway or trying out new restaurants, but once again, one of the most underrated ways of saving money is cooking. However, we all know that with cost of living even groceries have increased. If you are going out to eat, I would say look at the menu online beforehand, and decide what you want which will be within budget. Again, this will save you from overspending. In terms of food shopping, try and go to the same supermarket and familiarise yourself with their products so that you know the cheaper versions and purchase those instead.

Technology has been a blessing and a curse in the 21st century but how you use it in your daily life is important. There is an app for almost everything these days, and some of these can help you save money. There are cashback apps, apps for holiday deals and transport, apps to sell and buy clothes and food, and apps to find discounts on outings. Whatever area it is of your life you are struggling in, try looking for apps which could give you a discount because it probably exists.

Finally, make sure you get yourself life insurance. We all don’t know tomorrow, and the crazy part is once you die you don’t have a say in anything. Life insurance can help your loved ones with all the expenses which come with a send off, and it will be a generous gift from yourself. You can get life insurance from as little as £5 a month that’s the great thing!

I’m not going to talk about crypto, stocks, property, investing or having a side hustle as I feel these all fall under the bigger commitments when it comes to finances. I just want you to think about the small changes you can make daily which can have a huge affect on your bank balance and I hope I have provided some good suggestions.

Career

It’s all good talking about money but we all know that the amount of money you make comes down to the career you have. Many of us 80s and 90s babies followed a traditional educational route and went to school, university and then landed a job in the sector we studied in and have been there ever since. However, we have all seen that there are many young people who are Gen Z and a bit of Gen Alpha who are earning a ton more than Gen X and Millennial's.

If you have realised that the industry you are in doesn’t pay well, it is time to take that leap and make a change! The majority of the money lies in technology and finance. If you have an industry in mind which you would like to transfer to but are unsure about where to start LinkedIn is a great way to network with recruiters who can guide you. You can also upskill and access free courses via the GOV.UK website here: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/find-a-skills-bootcamp

Take that chance and earn that money you deserve!

Community and Isolation

Being an adult and managing your time, goals and overall health can be challenging, but one aspect of life which is key is community. As an adult, you have full control of who you let in your life and around you. You have the power to build your own community and support networks, and this will look different for all of us but I will urge you to pour in to those you love and trust because in the midst of adversity, it is the community you build which is going to come together for you and be there for you.

When you are considering where to live, ask yourself whether you have people close enough in the case of an emergency? Are there a few people in your life who have all your emergency contact details? These days you can set up a Medical ID on your iPhone, and this can provide first responders with life saving information in case anything happens. You can also change the settings in your Uber/Bolt app so that your friends or family can follow your journey when you are going somewhere alone or late at night.

Do your best to schedule those phonecalls/FaceTime’s and most importantly in-person catch-ups as they are the most important part of building a long-standing relationship. For those of you who have long-time friends start introducing your friends to your family and create that connection and contact as it could be handy one day. Also if you have children, try and introduce them to all the important people in your life so that they are comfortable around them.

Health

I’m sure we have all heard the term ‘Health is Wealth’ and as cliche as it is, that is the truth. Now I am personally still on a journey of getting myself to my best healthy self, but what I will say is that I will never give up on myself as long as I am alive. I don’t need to go in to all the different ways you can keep yourself healthy as there is a lot of information online. However, what I will say is that if you are someone who has lived a pretty poor quality of life in your 20s, for example, eating badly, eating late, eating huge portions, having a large intake of alcohol and drugs, not drinking enough water, not exercising or stretching then your 30s is where all the change needs to be made. Majority of people start experiencing severe health issues in their late 30s and early 40s, so it is important that you try and reverse a lot of the damage you have done now. Essentially health is down to discipline. We all discipline ourselves in different ways so find what works for you, implement it and stick with it. Treat your body nice and it will treat you nicer as you age.

Romantic Relationships

If you are currently in a healthy and loving relationship I love that for you and I pray that it continues to flourish and grow. However, for those of us who are still out here, choosing the RIGHT romantic partner is vital to your overall health. There are many complexities when it comes to finding the right partner and I do not want to spend a whole amount of time on this, but I will say what I feel is important to look for when deciding whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

1. Many years ago families were very much involved in the vetting of partners and this has declined drastically over the years. Don’t get me wrong, family isn’t always right, and in some cases, they can be extremely toxic and cause you stress. However, I talked about your community. In my opinion, it is important for your partner to meet your community for you to see how they fit in and interact. It also helps to have views from those close to you.
2. If you would like to have children then the partner you pick is EXTREMELY important. You need to ask yourself whether you can trust the person you are picking to be a responsible and reliable parent and whether you would feel completely comfortable leaving your children in the hands of that person’s care if anything happened to you.
3. Does your potential partner know how to listen and communicate? Lack of communication is one of the main reasons for the breakdown of relationships, and it is an area which can be worked on and avoided. If you find that the person you are interested in would rather avoid important conversations, use bad habits to soothe their nerves or become disrespectful when speaking then this is something you need to think about. It will be impossible for you to work through any issue if your partner is unable to listen and communicate healthily. Sometimes in life there may be moments where we need assistance, and if your partner is unable to let you know when they are struggling, then this is a huge issue.
4. Does your potential partner operate with love and compassion? Do they handle you with care and try their best to understand and support you? If not then this is a major issue.
5. Does your potential partner lack confidence and self-esteem? This is VERY important in any relationship. Unfortunately, no other human can validate us, and if your partner lacks confidence, this can play a big part in their actions, how they see themselves and their goals and ambitions for their lives which can be very limited if they lack an open and optimistic mind. The person you get with needs to be whole.
6. Does your partner know who they are? It is very easy to see when someone hasn’t found themselves yet. A lot of the time people who are still searching for their identity are YES men. They either say yes to everything their friends want to do or follow everything their family says even if it isn’t what they want for their life. There is no harm in listening to advice and sometimes we all receive advice that we didn’t even ask for. However, having a partner who isn’t able to make their own decisions, have stability, grounding, intuition, and a physical identity can be very dangerous and detrimental to you too.
7. Finally, does your partner take care of you sexually and sensually? We’re grown, so let’s not pretend that this isn’t a vital part of a relationship. For some more than others I must say, but overall, does your partner cater to your needs or do you find yourself begging to be pleased and physically and emotionally catered to? You should be in sync with your person for the most part.

I would like to end this piece with a story around decisions and how important it is to stand up for what you want and what you believe in otherwise others will make decisions on your behalf and if you are not happy with the outcome it will be your own fault.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who needed new shoes for school. His mother took him to a shoemaker, and the shoemaker asked him what style shoes he would want? The little boy said he didn’t know. The shoemaker said “no problem, I will give you three days to make a decision and when you come back let me know what you would like.” Three days passed, and the little boy was taken back to the shoemaker by his mother, once again he was asked what style shoe he would like. Unfortunately, the boy hadn’t made a decision, and the shoemaker had to go ahead due to time. The shoemaker made the shoes and handed it over to the boy. Once the boy put the shoes on he realised that his right shoe had a curve at the front whereas his left shoe had a square at the front. He asked the shoemaker why the styles were different, and the shoemaker replied “I made your shoes different to show you that next time you cannot make a decision, someone will make it for you and you will have to live with it.”

Now having odd shoes isn’t the most difficult issue to live with, but the moral of the story is that, when something is important to you, you must let others know how you feel, so that they can honour this and not make assumptions on what they think you may you want. This especially relates to death. When you are young, you don’t want to think about the afterlife, but the older we get, it is essential that we make decisions for our lives which will allow us to live a good standard of living the older we get, and will allow our loved ones to be left in a good position once we leave this earth.

I hope this piece has made you think, and hopefully you will start making the right decisions for your life moving forward.

Love Boohema