IS HINGE UNHINGED?
As per usual I’ve taken a rather long break from writing. Life has been life’ing y’all! But I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from people regarding my articles and I genuinely enjoy writing. So from now on, you’re going to be getting regular content from me! Bring on 2022. Whoop!
Ok, now let’s get to what I really want to speak about. Seven months ago, I made it known that I came out of a long-term relationship in my article values and since then I have been doing a lot of self-discovery. I truly don’t believe it is healthy to move on straight away after coming out of a relationship and that’s why I wanted to take the time to understand who Boohema was, heal from my experience, and get my mental, emotional and spiritual being in a healthy place before interacting with anyone.
Last month (October 2021)the well known sex and relationships expert @Oloni asked people to share their love stories from Hinge on Twitter. You can check out the tweet and replies here. This tweet like a lot of Oloni’s tweets did rounds and went viral and it made me extremely curious to want to try it out. Back in 2019, I had a moment where I tried the dating app Bumble. My experience on Bumble was very short-lived as I felt like I kept meeting people who wanted to casually hook up after speaking for 24 hours and that isn’t my style.
To some extent, that experience had sort of deterred me from wanting to try a dating app again. However, I’ll be honest Oloni’s tweet really sold Hinge to me, so I thought let’s go for this once more.
Personally, I am still in a space where I am not wanting to be romantically attached to anyone but I am open to getting to know different people and seeing where that goes but I am definitely not forcing anything.
So I joined Hinge on October 13th and from first appearance I quite liked the set up of the app. I feel as though it is pretty straight-forward to use and I like how you can show your personality through a variety of ways on your profile. Whether it’s a voice note, video, images or captions you can get a little bit of who you are across unlike the standard bio on other social platforms which just lists what you do. I realised when I joined that Hinge boosted my profile so the likes were coming through in full speed and if I’m honest it was quite overwhelming seeing that so many people wanted to connect. Being out of the ‘jungle’ for so long it really can feel strange when you seem to be getting so much attention at once.
I matched with quite a few people. I’ll give it to Hinge there are definitely quite a few attractive men on there. In the first few weeks I managed to have a variety of conversations from men of all different backgrounds and this is something I actually really enjoyed. I also found that the men which I spoke to were all incredibly respectful and appeared to genuinely want to get to know me rather than the normal feeling of when men ‘slide in the dms’. Just to make it known I mainly only date black men so most of the men I refer to in this post are black besides 2.
I met a guy who enjoyed bike riding, hiking and rock climbing and was telling me about his adventures and on the flip side I introduced him to some new genres of music. I met another guy where we spoke about faith and religion and his journey to becoming closer to God and once again it was so wholesome to have such a conversation. Not only did Hinge open me up to men who were not the regular ‘type’ that I was used to. It also opened up my options geographically. Being from London, I’m used to a particular type of guy and even though I now live in Birmingham, I still haven’t met men from this city. However, thanks to Hinge I have managed to meet some.
So far I’ve come across men from Leeds, Manchester, Coventry, Sheffield, Gloucester, Watford and even other areas of London which I haven’t explored. I also managed to speak to men from different ethnic backgrounds such as Montserrat, Dominican Republic, Cameroon, Spain, Ivory Coast, Zimbabwe and more.
As of now I have had Hinge for 5 weeks and in all honesty the way I feel about it has completely changed. Over the past few weeks the conversations I have had with people have seemed to have lost that ‘sauce’ no one seems to be captivating me and it feels like it’s becoming a chore to maintain a conversation with just about anyone. I already know myself and I don’t like small talk. I also don’t like being the one to constantly initiate conversation. So yeah… currently Hinge has become incredibly time-wasting to me.
Ok I know you guys want some of the funny stories. If I’m honest I don’t have loads but one guy did say to me within 10 minutes of exchanging conversation that he didn’t want a pen pal and I wasn’t serious because I’m on Hinge not looking for anything and people actually want to find love, so I should stop wasting people’s time. That was hilarious. I also had another guy delete me and send me a paragraph saying I was wasting his time because I took too long to respond. Finally, I actually met up with one guy and he was being extremely stand-offish and was incredibly socially awkward. I messaged him a few days after the meet up and he literally said ‘ Sorry it’s not you, it’s me. I’m not serious. But I still want to talk to you.’ I just thought, I’m glad you know lol blocked and deleted.
So now let’s answer some questions for those of you who are still wanting to try out a dating app or are currently on one and are still looking for love.
- Is it possible to find love on Hinge?
Well I can’t completely answer that because I didn’t/haven’t found love on there. However, what I would say is that some of the men which I spoke to complimented me on my friendly and relaxed nature and said it was refreshing to come across a woman who wasn’t screaming out that they wanted to settle down. Having conversation with people builds up your social skills and allows you to be open and it’s an approach I would suggest for a dating app. I do believe in being intentional in life but when you come across too serious at first it can be a turn-off for some.
2. Is online dating any different from meeting people in person?
I would say yes and no. I feel online dating definitely opens up your remit which I touched on earlier in the post. I was able to connect with men all across the UK which I hadn’t previously done and that was nice. I feel in person sometimes you can feel as though you’re coming across the same person just with a different name and that can get exhausting. I would also say that the risk with online dating is speaking to someone over a long period and building this version of them in your head which is very far from reality. In that sense online dating can sometimes create a false perception which can be detrimental.
3. Are the people on dating apps different to those you meet in real life? Absolutely not. I feel it is the same experience. It really is by chance to meet someone. If it is your time then it is your time :)
4. Is online dating safe?
If I’m honest I feel it is almost the same as in-person dating. What I do like about Hinge is that if you feel unsafe you can un-match with the person very quickly. It is your choice to give the person you are speaking to your social media or number. Otherwise everything can stay within the app which feels pretty safe. Of course I am aware that there are some dangerous people on there and I am sorry to all of those people who have had experiences where they feel unsafe but definitely take precaution with everything. Do not give out your address or any other personal details and meet up with people in public spaces especially if it is the first time.
5. Would I recommend Hinge?
If I’m honest I feel as though Hinge for me has been what I expected and also what I didn’t expect. It has been somewhat fun having different conversations. However, I do think online dating can become very stale very quickly and also very disposable. Because there is so much option, it can be hard to genuinely connect with people as it’s easy to just find another person who peaks your interest and that can be frustrating for people who are trying to find genuine connections. So to answer the question, I would say give Hinge a go if you like but if you go in with high expectations you may be disappointed so just take it for what it is.
To bring this article to an end, there isn’t a one size fits all for dating, marriage, love or partnerships of any form. If you are still single just keep trying different options and as I mentioned when it is your time it is your time and everything will fall in to place.
Some funny messages
I’m about to catch a flight next month so I’ll probably write a post on that!
Wishing you all a wonderful and blessed rest of the year!
Love Boohema
xxx
