VALUES

For most people 2020 was one of the worst years and it broke a lot of people mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and so much more. For me personally, I had my run of bad vibes in 2019 so for me, 2020 was about getting myself back on track and setting the foundations for my long-term goals. One of those long-term goals was my relationship.

Now many people don’t tend to get in to relationships with their friends but in October 2019 I decided to give it a go. I got in to a relationship with a friend I had known three years prior and in all honesty it felt like the best decision at the time because we had already established a connection. Of course there was still a lot more building to do as a couple and a lot more I had to learn about him as an individual but lets just say it made the process so much smoother.

2019 was challenging and that was mainly because of the personal issues I was facing but my partner stuck by me through all the ups and downs and made me reassured that regardless of what was happening or going to happen he was going to be right by my side. This is something I had never experienced before and to some extent I was asking myself what I did to deserve this but change is something you have to embrace and I went on that journey.

2020 was wonderful for my relationship, we prayed together, set out our relationship goals, achieved milestones for ourselves and had started shaping the future we wanted for ourselves such as a house, kids and even what sort of dog we wanted lmao, honestly it just felt as though everything was falling in to place and I didn’t have to work for it, for once!

Fast-forward to the end of 2020 and everything started to change. I started to realise that the values I had and the values my partner had were not adding up in some areas and it felt as though I was pushing against the person I love to try and get some sort of balance and it wasn’t working. I could start to see that there were a lot more elements to our relationship which I hadn’t considered and the gap in our values was becoming bigger and wider.

Now most relationships end because of disrespect, abuse, cheating, lack of communication and more but the thing is I had all of those in my relationship so why was I starting to feel distant from this person? I didn’t know why a few months ago but now I do. We didn’t share the same values on quite a few areas of life and when you really want to build a solid foundation with someone you can’t have such a difference of opinion on the way you live your life and what is deemed as important. It’s just not going to work.

My partner saw the importance of the future and had all these fantastic ideas on how to get there but the truth is you can’t see the future without seeing the present and if you don’t build the present the future can become very difficult to navigate because you haven’t tackled those important aspects of your present. I saw the present and I could see the areas of our relationship which needed improvement and I wanted to make a change to those areas but if you are the only one who can see then it isn’t going to work.

Many of us live in the past or live in the future. People are either excited about what their future is going to look like or are so stuck and scared of their past traumas that it doesn’t allow them to plan their future. Rarely do people live in the present and this is something I have learnt is so important over the years. Rather than thinking about tomorrow what are you doing today that is going to change tomorrow for the better? Ask yourself that question on a daily basis. Whether it’s working out and eating healthy, focusing on your craft, changing your negative habits such as excessive smoking or drinking or learning a new skill what are you doing today that is going to help or benefit you and your partner tomorrow?

For two weeks now I have been single and the normal reaction after a break up is to get extremely emotional, not think rationally and become extremely demotivated with almost everything in life. However, this breakup has been extremely empowering for me. Not because I didn’t love the person, I still have a lot of love for him but because through this relationship I have learnt how important my values are to me and how important they will be to my next relationship and I have made it my number one goal and priority to uphold my values now and be a woman of my word.

I would like to end this by saying don’t give up on love! I had the most amazing run with my relationship and I had a really good man so I am forever grateful.

Love is the most beautiful emotion and every experience will shape you and mould you to become who you are. I hope you enjoyed this and remember to prioritise your values

Love Boohema

xxx